Well, I’d like to run guns … missiles … any type of armament, really—that’s where I can see making the big bucks. But I jest. It’s a tough year to top, but I am already working on my next special—I have about 40 percent of it written.
On to global warming. Should we all be investing in real estate in North Dakota?
Here’s the deal: People used to live in castles surrounded by moats. They drank water from the moat. But they used the moat as a bathroom, too, until they figured out this wasn’t such a good idea. The environment is the moat, people!
Starbucks: A new café opening on every corner, or just facing corners?
I see them moving into the middle of the block, with a new movie-and-lifestyle setup—you’ll have your coffee, so then you’ll have enough energy to get to
your lifestyle.
Paris Hilton: Will she finally go away?
She is not going to go away, because that’s not how it works in this country. When something is painful, it stays forever.
Cable news: Will viewers still be forced to read while they’re trying to watch?
Twice I have appeared on CNN to be interviewed, and twice I have insisted they remove the scrolling news feed. It’s so rude! There are people talking here! And you know what? They did.
Which Hollywood A-listers will appear on the Hill wearing studious-looking eyewear?
It makes me nauseous even to think about it.
You grew up in Silver Spring, Md. Do you predict that you’ll be back any time soon?
I’ll be back in 2007 to host a fund-raiser for my former high school, Springbrook High. Class of ’66!
Stephen Colbert: Think he’ll get invited back to the White House Press Correspondents Dinner?
He won’t be invited back to Washington, D.C.
Any random irritations that you plan to carry with you into the new year?
Larry King, who is on your cover right now, bumped me from his show four times in 2006. Don’t think I won’t be taking that with me, Larry!
Tucker Carlson on Dancing With the Stars: How will his two-stepping affect his fate?
I think he’s finally made the leap from news to entertainment.