You're a comic and this is our food issue. Let's start with the old slip-on-the-banana gag. Has it ever been funny?
People wouldn't laugh anymore because there's too much food awareness today. They'd say: "What's funny about slipping on such a wonderful source of potassium when it's known to build bone strength and aid memory?" Kids make fun of each other now not by saying Johnny has pimples, but by saying Johnny has a beta carotene deficiency.

We know you like riffing on politics. Who in D.C. deserves a pie in the face right about now?
The stylist for John McLaughlin on The McLaughlin Group. They are dressing him in clothes that are so loud they ruin my whole Sunday morning.

Tell us your secret recipe for good comedy.
A good comedy show is like a good sauce. If it's not so good, just pour another blast of wine in there, and it will seem like it is.

Why do first dates so often take place in restaurants? No one likes to eat in front of someone new, and then there's the issue of spinach in the teeth ...
I guess because you can judge how horrifying it will be to have to sit across from them three times a day for the next 40 years. It's a good place for that first cut.

So I take it you're not married ... do you like to cook?
I'm divorced. But I'm a very ambitious cook—just not a good one. I try to make exotic fish dishes like mariscada and paella, and I always end up with the fish getting so destroyed that it's in slivers and you can't even eat it.

Any food horror stories from your childhood? Mine involves undercooked rack of lamb ...
My father would try to cook. He'd make what my brother, sisters and I called "water steak." It was steak—but when he cooked it, instead of gravy it was like dirty water. Truly delicious.

You're famous for your Irish heritage. What's your take on corned beef and cabbage?
My grandfather kept sauerkraut on the stove all day, every day, and he lived a long time, so I guess it's healthy. And he wasn't exactly Jack La Lanne in other ways, if you get my meaning. But even the name is disgusting: corned beef. Beef and corn.

And no meat on Fridays, either. Just fish and pizza. Ever cheat?
Yes, I've cheated, but only by eating sausage on pizza so, technically, since you can have pizza on Friday, it's OK.

You just appeared at the Improv and will be back in D.C. soon. Tell us, where do you go post-performance—some hot restaurant or club, or straight to bed?
I walk around and watch all the drama. Then I go to that all-night place where everybody lines up drunk after the bars close. It's right near the Improv—you know it?